Til the Cows Come Home
by Naruke
Summary: Link is at Malon's house. Dirty thoughts involving bridles arise. A naughty comment is voiced, and snogging ensues. [oneshot]


**Author's Note**: Aha ha. I should not be writing this. I really shouldn't, it's not on my list of things to do. Ah well. First try at a Zelda fic, so if you ridicule me for my lack of knowledge, I will laugh at you as I smack you with my Wok of Death.

**Disclaimer**: If I actually knew what was going on, I might be tempted to say 'I wish I owned it.' But I don't. Therefore, me no own.

**-Til the Cows ComeHome-**

Link wanted to be out in a deserted meadow somewhere, doing manly things, like practicing his marksmanship. But no. He was in Malon's room, debating horse tacks.

How the Goddesses mocked the lowly.

"So what do you think of…this one?" she said, holding up a complex leather and steel contraption.

"It's nice," Link hedged, secretly wondering why he had agreed to this in the first place. Maybe it was the way her wavy red hair had caught the light when she had asked him to look at tacks with her. Or maybe the sad smile she flashed him in the effort to persuade him. Or maybe it was the way her breasts…

No, he shouldn't be thinking that. No, no, not at all. She was his _friend_ above all else. It was over the line to make sexual overtures to her. He dragged his attention back to the present.

She was eyeing him thoughtfully. "Are you thirsty, Link?" He nodded, quite happy. Anything to get away from these tits-tacks, _TACKS_, he reminded himself violently.

They took the short journey to the kitchen downstairs, and Malon poured him a glass of milk. He took it gladly and gulped it down with relish. He drained the whole thing in less than a minute. Distracting oneself from naughty thoughts was very tiring work, he thought distractedly. Setting his cup down on the little table in front of him, Link watched Malon's hips sway slightly while she drank her own milk in front of the window.

The way her bum moved reminded him of Epona's rump when she walked. This thought led to another, and that led to another one. Finally, he arrived on a pleasantly disturbing thought: It involved Malon, naked, wearing a bridle-and maybe a saddle.

"You should wear a bridle," he blurted. Malon choked on her milk. Inside, he cursed himself, wondering what on earth had possessed him to say such a forward and crass thing.

"Y-you what?" Malon had turned around and was staring at him.

"It's not what you think!" he explained hastily, getting to his wobbly feet. "Well, it is, but…but I don't want to do anything like _that_ with you!"

Malon had turned around, but not before Link saw the tidal wave of pink spread across her face.

"Malon-" he said, searching for the right words. What could he say to take back such a nasty comment? He reached out a hand to touch her shoulder, and she half-turned. Before his scant courage could desert him, he did what he had previously thought impossible: He grabbed her upper arm and turned her to him and kissed her.

She froze the instant their lips touched. Almost as soon as the kiss began, it was over. He released her, paralyzed from mortification. What would she think of him? He was so crass, so stupid to do this! She'd hate him forever, she'd-

Kiss him again.

Wow, he reflected. Hadn't seen _that_ one coming.

He had just begun to get into the swing of this kissing thing when she pulled back. Ducking her head, Malon smiled demurely up at him through her lashes. He grinned-alright, it was more of a horny grimace-back at her. He could be no happier. Then he felt it.

All his thought processes ceased. Her timid, dainty little hands had touched his bum, and quite on purpose, if the cute blush on her face was anything to go by.

As he leaned in to kiss her again, Link's hands made quick work on her blouse. If the Goddesses decided to smite him right now, even after all he'd done, he'd die a happy man.

There was a noise outside that sounded suspiciously like a guffaw of laughter. Link stiffened, remembering where they were.

In the kitchen of the Lon Lon Ranch, near a window. And she lived with her father and a farm hand.

He glanced fearfully out the window, but it was all for naught: A cow had simply lowed outside the window.

But still, one couldn't be too careful. "Let's go upstairs and try out those bridles, Malon."


End file.
